And the fun continues

• The Preznit gets his PATRIOT Act renewed, evidently complete with all the way-kewl Stasi-o-Rama toys they had wanted
  
  
• The U.S. and Iran accelerate the game of "Mine's BIGGER than YOURS!" (hint: if you own property downwind of Tehran, SELL NOW.)
  
  
• A new crustacean has been discovered in the South Pacific, and it's FURRY! (And blind.)
  Look at the damn thing!
  
  Jeez louise, I don't remember blind furry lobsters being listed as a sign of The End Times, but MAN! It HAS to be a sign!
  
  FURRY. LOBSTERS.
  
  The thing looks like a lobster in a damn GORILLA costume. That ain't natural, folks. I blame atomic radiation.