Why can't I ever be this lucky?

Hmm, maybe I have to re-evaluate my policy on not shopping at my previous employers:

Now Daryl Hill wants to know why an MP3 video player he bought at a Wal-Mart in Sparta was preloaded with pornography and explicit songs.

Hill bought three of the players as Christmas presents for his children. He said one of the devices had apparently been returned to the store from a previous owner who loaded sex clips and songs with lyrics about using drugs.

"Within 10 minutes, my daughter was crying," Hill said Thursday. "I wish I could take the thoughts and images out of her head."

Well, obviously the only thing you'll be able to do with her now that she's been contaminated is take her out behind the barn with your shotgun and Do The Honorable Thing.

(NOTE: This is to be considered humorous snark and not a real recommendation to Mr. Hill to blow his daughter's head off. Cripes, 10 whole minutes of ickiness? I'm sure she'll get over it, there, Chucko.)

Hill questioned why Wal-Mart Stores Inc. would sell used merchandise as new, which he said violates its own policies.

A company spokesman said in an e-mail to WSMV-TV of Nashville that stores are not supposed to return opened packages to the sales floor and that the matter was under investigation.

"Violate their own policies?" Oh, bullpeters! I know damn well from personal experience that Wal-Mart has a foul habit of slapping tape on already-opened boxes and slapping same boxes back on the shelf. C'mon, people - why the hell do you think their stuff is so cheap? Partially 'cause they play sleazy games like that. (Also partially 'cause they pay their employees pshitt wages, but that's another whole rant.)

I suppose it could be worse - it could have had been pre-owned by a CIA guy from Iraq and had torture videos on it. But lord knows that wouldn't be as damaging to a young psyche as people bumpin' uglies and singing about mary-joo-wanna, nossiree.