GORE IZ BIG POOPY HED

The insufferable Glenn "Like Limbaugh, Just Not As Smart" Beck (I hope you're really happy giving this guy a voice, CNN!) opens his ignorant piehole and defends poor abused Big Oil:

Yes, times are tough for many. Sure, oil companies make a lot of cash. But, for that money, they get us to work, get ambulances to the hospital, keep our homes warm, and employ thousands of our friends and neighbors while financing their retirement, paying their health care, and providing energy to millions. Because of capitalism, they have the incentive to do that. I've yet to see what our government does for us with their rather large chunk of each gallon of gas we buy, and I've yet to see them offer to return it or suggest a gas-tax-windfall-tax-tax.

Aw, cripes, see, they're just goddamned philanthropists, those oilmen! Thoughtfully providing the only source of transportation to us, keeping our lil' kiddies warm and cozy, running our ambulances, doing it all while collecting barely enough money to pay their bills and finance their frugal lifestyle.

*Snif*. I'm sorry I ever criticized them. Can you forgive me, Big Oil? Hug?

I'm not sure where he gets "rather large chunk" federal taxes take out of gas costs, since according to information available here from the oil industry itself, federal taxes are 18.4 cents a gallon, which based on the national average of $3.30 a gallon comes to about 6% of the cost per gallon.

Not exactly a crushing burden. (Note, though, that local and state taxes add onto this and thus vary in total, including the federal tax, from 26.4 cents/gallon in Alaska to 62.5 cents in Connecticut.)

As to what it gets used for, the federal gas tax is used for highway and bridge construction, as well as infrastructure maintenance. In other words, no, it isn't instantly obvious what it gets used for in roughly the same way getting vaccinated doesn't seem to do anything for you 'cause you don't get sick. Using Beck-logic, vaccination is thus a huge ripoff.

With that the part of the article having anything to do with the CNN.com headline is over with and Glennzilla can continue on to his real target - the evil Algore:

The other villain of the moment is the global warming "denier." Anyone who disagrees, even in the slightest, must be ridiculed. On "60 Minutes" last weekend, Al Gore said: "They're almost like the ones who still believe that the moon landing was staged in a movie lot in Arizona and those who believe the Earth is flat. That demeans them a little bit, but it's not that far off."

[snippage]

Despite the media's one-sided view (the Business and Media Institute says dissenting voices about global warming are outnumbered on CBS News broadcasts by a 38 to 1 ratio), only 21 percent of Americans say "the release of greenhouse gasses is the most important factor causing global warming" according to a 2007 New York Times/CBS News poll.

Well, when you spend metric assloads of time and money convincing people that down is up, there's a certain number of people who'll insist on trying to stand on the ceiling no matter how many times they fall on their heads. And, to extend the Glennster's analogy, I'm sure that the majority of news stories assume the Earth is round, ignoring the undeniable possibility that it is indeed flat! Sphereist bastards, obviously. Science, after all, should be done not by research but by which PR company can produce the best ads.

The entire "60 Minutes" piece felt like a commercial for Gore's upcoming commercials. He's spending $300 million in advertising to convince people of something he claims there is already a consensus on. To put that much money into perspective; it's more than Sen. Barack Obama, Sen. Hillary Clinton, Sen. John Edwards, Sen. John McCain, former Gov. Mike Huckabee and Rep. Ron Paul raised in all of last year combined. Think of it as going green by getting lots of green.

Where is all that money coming from? Gore says he's donating his profits from "An Inconvenient Truth," and his Nobel Peace Prize cash award. Let's be generous and say there's only $290 million left to explain. Apparently, a follow-up question to find the origins of this nine-figure sum would have involved six seconds that "60 Minutes" wasn't willing to commit.

Oh, for some old-style serious journalism, since obviously "An Inconvenient Truth" made no money at the box office whatsoever and the Nobel Prize is obviously worthless, being in some godless European play-money. Lord knows he couldn't have any money of his own, nosirree. The only thing to conclude, of course, is that he's hanging out in front of public schools and shaking down kids for their lunch money, 'cause he's soooooo evil!

What is there to learn from all of this?

That the members of Congress should shut up and stop being so mean to those poor oilmen, major corporations are just cuddly altruistic endeavours that exist to help old ladies across the street with no wish for compensation, and that Algore is a big fat hypocritical poopyhead who's somehow simultaneously obscenely wealthy and dirt-poor.

Or not.

UPDATE: Just noticed from the top of Glenn-Boy's article (which I usually avoid to keep from looking at that dumb smug scumbag grin of his):

Editor's note: "Glenn Beck" is on Headline News nightly at 7 and 9 ET.

ooooh-WHEEEE, as we say here in the South. Twice a night! Well, DAY-UM, it's just a dirty rotten shame that I can't watch B-Man's insightful commentary twice a friggin' night 'cause I'm, um, busy waxing the cat that night. Or washing my hair. Or something.