FAUX News: Festival of Stupid

Oh, where to start the show this fine evening, where to start?

How about po' po' lil' beaten-up on John McCain:

Study Shows McCain Media Coverage Mostly Negative

Oh my heart bleeds. Karma in action, Senator.

Then there's John "Heh, he said 'boner'" Bohner trying to cut off federal funding for ACORN:

"It is evident that ACORN is incapable of using federal funds in a manner that is consistent with the law," Boehner, R-Ohio, wrote Bush, saying that funds should be blocked until all federal investigations into the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now are completed.

Wheee, let's get the influence of the federal government into elections now! Way to keep that heavy hand of The State off our backs, Republicans!

And if being "incapable of using federal funds in a manner that is consistent with the law" is a reason to cut off funding, hell, the entire Bush Administration should have been running on fumes years ago.

Next up on FAUX - people who have been lied to tend to believe lies:

Most Americans think there will be extensive voter fraud in the upcoming presidential election. A FOX News poll released Wednesday shows 60 percent think it is either "very" likely, 28 percent, or "somewhat" likely, 32 percent, there will be widespread fraud in voting this year, and 35 percent think it is unlikely.

Furthermore, nearly half, 47 percent, think if there is fraud it is more likely to favor Democrats, while just over a third thinks it will favor Republicans, 35 percent.

Imagine that - FAUX repeats over and over that ACORN and the Democrats are trying to commit election fraud, and FAUX viewers when polled say they expect election fraud! Who'da thunk it?

Meanwhile keep away from those college campuses if you don't want to get brainwashed - "More Than 3,000 Academics Sign Pro-Ayers Petition":

More than 3,200 supporters -- most of them educators -- have signed a petition protesting what they say is the "demonization of Professor William Ayers," asserting that his violent actions as the co-founder of the Weather Underground were just "history."

Oh, those evil academics - willing to let the past lie in the past, and standing up for awful Commie socialist secular Bolshevik crap like "freedom of speech"!

And of course rely on the good patriots at FAUX to winkle out the Islamobolshivofascist weevil in the batter:

Khalidi, a Palestinian activist, was a director of the Palestinian Liberation Organization's press agency in 1982, according to The New York Times, when the PLO was still designated by the U.S. government as a terrorist organization.

And worse yet?

Obama spent time with Khalidi when the two were professors in Chicago, and paid him a special tribute during a farewell dinner for the firebrand professor in 2003, reminiscing about meals prepared by Khalidi's wife, according to the LA Times.

OMFG!!111 HOW COULD WE BE SO BLIND??? Y'SEE? Y'SEE? YOUR STUPID MINDS! STUPID! STUPID!

Except, of course, y'know, as usual, none of it is true:

Klein penned two stories in late February wildly distorting Obama's links, from his days in Chicago, to pro-Palestinian activists like Rashid Khalidi, a respected professor of Middle East studies at Columbia University who previously taught at the University of Chicago (hardly a bastion of left-wing activism). Klein's story goes something like this: Obama sat on the board of a foundation in Chicago that gave a grant to the Arab American Action Network (AAAN), run by Khalidi's wife, which supposedly rejects Israel's existence; and Khalidi directed the PLO's Beirut press office and is a supporter "for Palestinian terror." (In fact, the AAAN focuses solely on social service work in Chicago and takes no position on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Khalidi says he was never employed by the PLO; he has been a harsh critic of Palestinian suicide bombings and a longtime supporter of a two-state solution, and he has never been an adviser to Obama. As for Obama's past statements, at least in Chicago, being pro-Israel and pro-Palestinian is not a contradiction in terms.)

Oops. Never mind.

And finally, this way to the egress and the piece de resistance of our Circus of Conservativism, our Festival Of Fauxian Flummery, la magnifique:

Report: Iranian Officials Recommend Preemptive Strike Against Israel

Except, OF FRICKIN' COURSE, the article says something totally different:

Senior Tehran official Dr. Seyed G. Safavi said at a recent briefing in London that the proposal followed threats by Israeli authorities, but a possible preemptive strike against Israel has not yet been incorporated into Iranian policy.

[snip]

Safavi told the paper that Tehran recently drafted a new policy for responding to an Israeli or American attack on its nuke facilities. While the country previously called for attacks against Israel and American interests in the Middle East and beyond, the new policy is to target Israel alone.

In addition, Safavi said that Iran’s elite Revolutionary Guards would respond to a U.S. attack on Iranian soil by attacking Israel, which they believe would be a part of any American military action.

And there's the slight problem that "Dr. Seyed G. Safavi" doesn't seem to be a "senior Tehran official" at all, but a professor at the London Academy of Iranian Studies. Um.