Friday, July 22, 2011

What.

Ladeezungemmun, this is your Teabagger Congress at work, if you call that "work":

Congress needs to pass legislation to extend funding for the FAA by Friday – but the legislation that passed out of the House yesterday to do just that is chock-full of right-wing ideology that the Senate won’t pass.

Oh, good. De-fund the FAA. I can't see how that could go massively wrong. Too bad these geniuses couldn't do it just before a holiday - I'm sure that would be full of moral "win" for them.

Meanwhile, from the same Thom Hartmann article, clear conservative priorities:
Earlier this year – Alabama Governor Robert Bentley tried to eliminate funding for the Confederate Memorial citing budget woes – but he faced a huge backlash from Confederate groups in the state demanding the site be preserved – and the funding remained in place. So Alabama today is the only state in America that still levies a tax to pay for the Civil War.

Words fail me.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Mah hart it bleedz

SNERK.

Shortly before the end of the film, a young couple entered, walked to the back row, started making out, then interrupted their session and left (spoiler alert) as Andrew Breitbart, who made one of several guest appearances, started talking about eunuchs. Then I was alone again, working. Instead of researching civil liberties violations, or the war in Libya, or the contest to elect the next president of the United States, I was both a journalist and the only member of the public willfully paying attention to Sarah Palin, as if standing in for the pathologies of my profession.

Why, yes, because of course people are going to knee each other in the groin to go see a movie about Miss Half-Assed herself, the woman who's so devoted to changing the country for the better she got bored halfway through her epic American Heritage tour and went back to Alaska "for the summer".

Too bad, so sad.

"Undefeated" - soon to be seen in the $1.98 remainder bins in video stores everywhere!

BTW, this is full of The Snerk as well:
He cited low registration in an email Wednesday informing activists about the cancellation. He said that finances weren’t an issue, but a June financial report posted on the organization’s website showed that only about $10,000 had been raised for an event that was supposed to attract hundreds of tea party groups from across the nation.

Only 62 tea party groups had committed to attending, well under the 350 that Temple estimated would be needed to break even.

My, that wave of Teabagger activism that was to sweep over the country like a tsunami looks more like a gentle ripple of a dead fish breaking the surface in a tidal pool. Maybe I wasn't so far off last November at all... or maybe it's just metastasized into our society at a real (as opposed to Koch-funded Astroturf) level.

Not that that would stop me from snerting at their Epic Tea Fail. While you're out looking for a bargain copy of "Undefeated" you might want to stop by Goodwill - there may be a proliferation of powdered wigs, tricorn hats and puffy shirts in the near future.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Blurp blurp blurp

Something that has nothing really to do with everything that's going on right now in my life/the country/the world AND YET has everything to do with it all:

W.T.F. is going on with the freakin' comments over at Common Dreams?

Has the Left gone bugfuck crazy recently, or are they just attracting the weirdos?

I have to restrain myself sometimes from clicking on the comments link just to see how nuts it gets, and then when my lowest opinion is confirmed *bang* there goes what little faith in humanity I've been able to muster.

It's like a fever swamp (is that a phrase?) over there, what with the predictions of doom and the Illuminati culling the population and the cynical blathering and Dems & the GOP are just exactly alike, working under the commands from The International Banksters (yoooo know whoooo) and how the only response left to us is apathy/violent revolution/signing an Internet petition/meditating on sweet peace and light/a vegan diet/the hemp economy/abandonment of society in favor of small mutual-interest groups and THEN it gets insane, what with the posters whose contributions to rational political discourse make your average bog-standard schizophrenic look like William Fucking Buckley, i.e. "ARG BLARG AmeriKKKa under the thumb of ZIONI$T$ OBUMMER OBOMBER the downfall of our EKONOMY has been planned by THO$E IN POWER wake up $heeple chemtrails CIA MYND KONTROL HAARP Bilderberger$ gleep wurp OPERATION NORTHWOODS KKKON$PIRA$Y KIL YR TV argle bargle USS LIBERTY blurp blurp OBamBI's comin' to TAKE YR GUNS we must resist watch thse Youtube videos they will reveal truth NEW WORLD ODOR CAN YOU SMELL IT?????" And don't even go near a thread that might have anything to do with Israel or 9/11.

I mean, christ on a cracker with sharp cheddar, THIS is what the Left amounts to these days? What, we've been abused by the conservatives for so long we're now willing to swallow the same kind of yahoo conspiracy bullshit that the Birchers tried to peddle 30 years ago? The best we have to offer as a counter to the pro-plutocrat wankers of the Right is a circle-jerk of hip cynicism, hatred of the working class ("lazy sheeple watching American Idol"), and excuses for apathy ("don't vote, it just encourages them")? And when someone writes an article for CD the best we can expect is a chorus of "YOUR NOT EXTREEEME ENOUGH FOR US YOU ARE A GATEKEEPER!" "WAAAH WAAAH you are not really LEFT you are not addressing MY CONCERNS how much money are the KOCHs giving YOU!" And that's not even counting the would-be bomb-thrower posts that might be right-wing agitators... or might not! (New flash: The whole violent revolution thing? Didn't exactly work out so well last time.)

Yeah, I know I've been paranoid, especially after 9/11 when it really seemed Bush was going to do anything he wanted. I haven't exactly been your one-stop shop for solutions to our mutual problems. I've been cynical and have called politicians stupid names (though if you're going to act like a clown don't be surprised if someone laughs at you). But JEEZUL, at least I feel like I TRY. At least I feel like I think things out a bit instead of reaching for the "oh our leaders are unprincipled and will do bad things so THIS BAD THING must therefore be true" trope. Just because Bush et al were willing to exploit 9/11 for their benefit doesn't mean they were behind some massive conspiracy. Just because Obama's been a total disappointment to those of us who didn't take one look and expect a repeat of the Clinton administration doesn't mean he is a tool of our SEEKRIT KKKORPORATE MA$TER$. And just because things are going to shit doesn't mean the Iron Heel is upon us.

We might be on the road to a repeat of the 1930s. Well, then. The Thirties gave us Fascism and Nazism, but it also gave a lot of people pause about where the capitalist system was going and what it was about, and caused them to think about what the alternatives might be. And some of those people were brave enough to say "fuck you" to their own government and sneak into Spain to fight Fascism years before the invasion of Normandy, because they could see where THAT road led. And maybe this all has nothing to do with us; maybe history DOESN'T repeat itself. But it's worth keeping in mind, I think. And knee-jerk cynicism and conspiracy mongering and denunciations of political incorrectness and generally being little more than willful embodiments of the conservative stereotype of leftists aren't going to help any in what we're facing.

Friday, July 08, 2011

A musical interlude

One of my recent favorite songs, on the same subject as the previous post:

Steve Earle - Amerika V 6.0 (The Best We Can Do)
- from the album "Jerusalem"

Look at ya
Yeah, take a look in the mirror now tell me what you see
Another satisfied customer in the front of the line for the American dream
I remember when we was both out on the boulevard
Talkin' revolution and singin' the blues
Nowadays it's letters to the editor and cheatin' on our taxes
Is the best that we can do
Come on

Look around
There's doctors down on Wall Street
Sharpenin' their scalpels and tryin' to cut a deal
Meanwhile, back at the hospital
We got accountants playin' God and countin' out the pills
Yeah, I know, that sucks – that your HMO
Ain't doin' what you thought it would do
But everybody's gotta die sometime and we can't save everybody
It's the best that we can do

Four score and a hundred and fifty years ago
Our forefathers made us equal as long as we can pay
Yeah, well maybe that wasn't exactly what they was thinkin'
Version six-point-oh of the American way
But hey we can just build a great wall around the country club
To keep the riff-raff out until the slump is through
Yeah, I realize that ain't exactly democratic, but it's either them or us and
And it's the best we can do

Yeah, compassionately conservative
It's the best we can do

Conservatively compassionate
It's the best we can do

Meanwhile, still thinkin'
Hey, let's wage a war on drugs
It's the best we can do
Well, I don't know about you, but I kinda dig this global warming thing...

Thursday, July 07, 2011

Backpfeifengesichten

I know there are plenty of things I could talk about right now in TEH NOOZ (including this latest reason to be Really Afraid!) but it's this thing I found on MSN this morning that really had me seeing red:

To drive across this great country, coast to coast, is to engage its beauty, its history and its spectacular depth. Making the trip today, however, forces a traveler to confront something else: the unmistakable frustration that grows with each passing month of anemic recovery from a bad recession. The unemployed are tired of looking for work; the underemployed are tired of being insulted by their bosses; home sellers are exhausted trying to find buyers. Even people who are doing OK feel stuck, wondering when their next city park might close, if their health care co-pay is going up or when might be a better time to open a small business.

We are tired, and we are angry.

But we are Americans, which means we don't give up.

I was privileged during this past three weeks to meet hundreds of msnbc.com and Red Tape readers who overwhelmed me with their stories about fighting cable TV and cell phone fees, fighting school taxes, fighting to keep small towns alive -- and, yes, fighting with burger customers at midnight so their children will have a chance. The common thread is obvious. Sometimes it can get ugly, and it's almost always uncomfortable, but America is a nation of fighters. That spirit is our greatest national resource. That is what will pull us through this dark time.

Oh, FUCKING THANK YOU, Mr. Sugary Platitude. Christ. I haven't seen empty dumbass rhetoric like this since the days of Ronald Reagan.

What this sounds to me is like some smug assclown leaning out over the edge of the ship, watching people flailing in the water below and musing on how noble their struggles are and how they show the eternal nature of humanity to survive and blah blah blah while people DIE. No, don't throw them a goddamn life preserver, you dumbass. That's just nanny state socialism, and if you waste life preservers the guys in First Class might have to *GOD FORBID* pay a few cents more for their return ticket. AND THEN WHERE WOULD WE BE? And meanwhile yahoos are dropping bricks and garbage on the swimmers and chortling with glee. Oh, those lazy drowning people! Why oh why can't they get off their lazy damn asses and take some personal responsibility and climb up out of the water themselves? Oh, hey, I think I can hit the pregnant woman there with this can of navy beans! And on top of everything, folks plot out ways to make money off of having people paddling for their lives, thus helping to ensure they keep paddling.

Goddamnit, yes, people are struggling, yours truly included. The economy is shit after 8 years of tax cuts for the rich, almost a half-dozen useless wars, and mindless obeisance to corporate interests, never mind the idiot race to the bottom we've pursued ever since blathering cretin Reagan and the collective stupidity of Orange County, CA convinced people that freedom isn't free, but bought and paid for by cutting taxes and cutting spending.

The richest, most powerful goddamn nation on the face of God's grey earth. The parks close for the 4th of July. The libraries cut back their hours. Bridges go unrepaired. Bus routes get cut. An already struggling educational system deteriorates further, and kids with college degrees end up delivering pizzas. The military moves into the local minority community as the employer of last resort, sending the kids who couldn't find anything else off on the latest "humanitarian intervention". The biggest local employer lays off 10,000 workers to ship their jobs to Indonesia, and the local legislature offers a tax cut to bring in 150 "replacement" jobs. The second-largest employer goes into bankruptcy, lays off 5,000, and their CEO toddles off with millions of dollars in compensation to become a high-paid Washington lobbyist while the company eludes its debts. Meanwhile you haven't had a raise in four years and bills are piling up and the Republicans made it harder for YOU to declare bankruptcy, in the name of "personal responsibility". Your health insurance deductible is going up again this year, and benefits have to be cut again. The doctor you go to writes you a prescription for a brand name drug because he has samples for it, and then you find out the insurance company that charges you premiums every month refuses to pay for it 'cause it's too expensive. Which is at least better than the guy behind you, who has no insurance and will either have to pay $250 for his meds or go without, period. Can't afford that dentist bill; keep going with that broken tooth, even if chewing is sheer agony. The front tires on your car are both bald and one has a slow leak; nothing to be done but keep pumping it up, as a new tire is too much money right now. A freak tornado tears through a town in a neighboring state and leaves something looking like an "after" picture of Hiroshima, while your power goes off in the middle of summer due to lightning for the third time this week. (But don't mention "global warming", whatever you do.) The water's contaminated with oil, the levees are failing, the downtown's street after street of empty storefronts, the couple next door get foreclosed on. Living paycheck to paycheck, constantly on the edge of disaster; one missed appointment, one medical crisis, one paycheck deposited a day late, one broken-down car,one decision by a bureaucrat at the home office looking to cut labor costs to preserve profits, and we're going headfirst into that water, too, when all we goddamn wanted was some small level of security, some vague assertion that a small mistake or random chance wouldn't leave us fighting for our lives.

Christ, I don't want to be rich. I never wanted to be. What I DON'T want is to have to lurch from crisis to crisis, the abyss waiting below. Is that just too goddamn much to ask?

Lenny Bruce once said that American society cripples you and then arrests you for limping. No, these days we get crippled and then when against all odds we manage to struggle to our feet and creep inch by slow painful inch across the room there's someone there to send an uplifting message about how inspiring our journey was.

Simply not crippling people in the first place? Never occurs to anyone.

DOUBLE-YOU TEA EFF.

So I'm in the car again yesterday, driving to work from the doctor's office, and I stop at a stoplight, turn my head left and there's this big-ass billboard for something called "Two If By Tea". And I'm thinking the guy in the picture looks 'way familiar - that smug doughy Republican look. Glennbeck, maybe. Then I see the signature - nope, it's The Pigman itself, Rush Limbaugh. Sellin' tea. In one of those goddamn 18th Century cosplay outfits that the wingnuts have grown to love recently. Eeyurgh, I think, and head home.

Cripes. It gets worse.

The Liberals are coming.
The Liberals are coming.

My good friend Paul Revere laid out the blueprint of how to deal with this. Sound the alarm! One if by land, Two If By Tea™!

Two If By Tea™ represents traditional American values of capitalism and the pursuit of excellence. Each bottle is designed to rise above the sameness and mediocrity that threatens our great nation. Just grab a 12-pack and join the fight to preserve the America we know and love. It's worth it!

Of course, using Palin Logic™, he's coming to warn the Liberals about the British taking our guns or something like that. (And never mind "my good friend Paul Revere". Cripes, what a vivid fantasy life this yahoo lives.)

But I mean - "sameness and mediocrity"? The HELL? Is the ready-made sweet tea world some kind of anti-meritocratic Harrison Bergeron nightmare? And WTF is so frickin' noble and uplifting anyway about a bottle of black tea with some flavoring in it? This is right up there with popping bubbles to disprove socialism. Has the GOP, once the party of people who actually TRIED to think, like William Buckley, become the Grand Old addlePates?
Our scientific panel of tasters has been working for years to develop the perfect recipe of tea – one that is fit for battle.

WOO-HOO! Aux les bouteilles de thé, citoyens! The revolution may not be televised, but it will be refreshing!
Developing and bringing Two If By Tea™ to market has been a unique American experience for all of us who worked on the project. We were all reminded of the blessings bestowed upon our country by our Founders and the Constitution, who fought to create and safeguard the fundamental values of a free society, knowing that it was limited government and belief in the greatness of the American people that established the concept of American Exceptionalism.

Christ, and here I thought to understand true patriotism and the promise of the American ideal you had to study history and contemplate about what the Revolution implied and argue the basic values of American society and do ALL THAT ICKY DIFFICULT THINKING. Oh, how glorious that Limbaugh has shown us the way to true patriotism - BUYING CRAP SOME CONSERVATIVE MADE. Woot.
While you’re at it, join me in drinking a bottle of my tea as we admire the great United States of America and the military and law enforcement officials who fight to defend our freedom every day. Thank God, yes God, for the blessings of life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness and of course, this wonderful drink - Two If By Tea™!

Yes, because of course in Wingnut America the military and law enforcement are the only things the government does right, or, in fact, should be allowed to do. Sure, our infrastructure is crumbling, corporations are running rampant, we're lurching closer and closer to economic crisis as Republicans whine about having to pay a pittance more than the pittance they grudgingly pay, there's a new environmental crisis every couple weeks, kids aren't getting educated, we're betraying all the principles we claim to hold dear every day in our foreign policy, BUT BY GOD we can throw people in jail and bomb the crap out of stuff like nobody else! U-S-A U-S-A U-S-A!!!

Oh, hey, by the way, Rush, God called. He says He doesn't want you to associate Him with this assbaggery (His words!) and you'll be hearing from His lawyers. (He then went on to mumble something about "kicking the shinola outta that DeMint clown" before slamming down the phone.)

Of course, they claim this has nothing to do with the Tea Party. Nope, nossiree, nothing at all. Just a coinky-dink. Nope, not like we're trying to forge a link between tea = patriotism, nope, nothing to see here, move along citizen. Nope, we're not going to allow looney liberals freedom to make comments about "that's what happened to all those teabags". Nope. Pure coincidence. (Oh, and the FAQ is worth checking out - all kindsa loonery about liberals being surprised they have to pay for something and selling online as opposed to in stores so as not to wipe out their competition and how Rush's wife came up with the idea on their wedding night and all sorts of the masturbatory smugness one expects from Limbaugh. Yech.)

And evidently Rush now calls himself "the Doctor Of Democracy". I CAN HAZ MALPRACTICE SUIT PLZ?